We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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