I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
