I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
