im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
