i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
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