What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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