he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
