i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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