she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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