STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
