I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
