I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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