I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
