idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize