I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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