ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just want to make out with him forever
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
