I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
