You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
