it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
