I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
