Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize