happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
