the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
