you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Floor bacon is actually really good
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
