I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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