After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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