After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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