Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
