so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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