Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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