I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
