Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
