and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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