That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
