Capitaan dildo arrescate!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize