so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
