If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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