We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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