This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
