Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
