That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
