phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
