no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
