your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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