I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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