I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
