to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
