I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
