they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
