It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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