great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
