Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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