I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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