her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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