Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
