never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
is it fun? or sober?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
