Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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