what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
