I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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