That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
