my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
