just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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