i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
