If that was your dad, he is hot
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
