You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
