Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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