can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
