Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
