respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
