Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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