It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
