Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
