On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
