my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Holy sore nipples Batman
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
