im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize