I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Randomize
