Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
