just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Green mimosas i think yes
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
