New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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