i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
