Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
