How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
