when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
