How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
