I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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