Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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