Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
