i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
