His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
