isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
