fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize