whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
