i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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