11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
