i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
