Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
