So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
