capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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