Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
