Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
