The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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