don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Sorry about my life...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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