im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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