Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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