The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
