he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
