so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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