The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
