i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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