I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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