but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
