im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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