Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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