she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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