This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
