So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
