I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you're hired as official boob wrangler
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
