Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
