I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
