I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
