I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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